by William Moultrie
Farson, SC – With the shootings in Arizona still fresh in people’s minds, newly-elected State Representative Dorothy Short is wasting no time proposing legislation to ensure that a similar incident doesn’t happen in South Carolina.
“The media has focused so much attention on this young man’s political leanings,” said Short, “and nobody’s looking at the root cause that’s staring us right in the face. Every article I’ve read about the alleged shooter, Jared Loughner, says that he smoked marijuana, but everybody’s looking to blame Sarah Palin, or Glen Beck, or Fox News. The real culprit here is the marijuana, and it’s time we did something about it.”
Short is introducing legislation that would require that all South Carolina residents who receive government services be tested for marijuana use, and those whose tests turn up positive be exempted from receiving those services.
“Why should we use our taxpayers’ dollars to subsidize the lifestyles of people who are illegally using a drug that can result in the kind of violence we saw last week in Arizona?”
Critics are calling the plan ridiculous, saying that even if it could be enforced, the cost to the state would be staggering.
“She’s completely off her rocker here,” said Kenneth Craig, a Greenville-based advocate of decriminalizing marijuana. “First of all, you’re basically talking about testing every single citizen of the state, and I suspect that she would be shocked at how many of her friends and neighbors indulge from time to time. Based on national statistics, there are probably more than a quarter-million South Carolinians who smoke pot at least occasionally — how would you deny services to over 5% of the population? What we should be doing is legalizing and taxing weed, and investing that tax revenue into programs that help mentally unstable people like Loughner and, well, Mrs. Short.”
“I know it’s an uphill battle,” said Short, “but it’s a battle worth fighting. We can’t sit back and wait for these pot heads to form their own militias and start gunning for all the politicians — by then it will be too late. In the meantime, however, I’ll be introducing another bill requiring all lawmakers to carry loaded weapons at all times. I don’t expect anyone to object.”