by William Moultrie
New York – On the heels of a conservative media backlash resulting from Juan Williams’ dismissal last week, PBS announced today that one of Sesame Street’s most beloved characters, Elmo, will be symbolically changing from red to blue.
“We just felt it was the right thing to do,” said executive producer Kermit the Frog. “There was some concern that the cast wouldn’t be on board with this, but they were all agreed something dramatic needed to be done.”
Williams was fired after making racially-charged comments about Muslims, and was almost immediately hired by Fox News.
Following Williams’ dismissal, South Carolina’s junior senator Jim DeMint stated that he would be introducing legislation to remove any and all federal funding from Public Television and Public Radio.
“If I were in South Carolina, I’d be voting for the Green party candidate instead of DeMint,” said Kermit, continuing “believe me, I know it’s not easy voting or being Green, but it’s a lot better than voting for that guy.”
“I’m not worried,” said The Count, a longtime regular on the show. “Do you know how many times Republicans have tried to do this? I’ll tell you how many: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight…”
“I don’t like bullies,” said Elmo, who has agreed to undergo the color-change procedure. “My mommy and daddy told me that I should tell a grown-up when I’m being bullied, but what do I do when all of my friends are being bullied too?”
While the entire cast was on board with making a bold statement in defiance of Senator DeMint’s proposal, there was some disagreement on how to proceed including a proposed “statement” from Bert and Ernie, longtime roommates on Sesame Street.
“Ernie and I had planned on making a different kind of statement,” said Bert, “but after I had a long talk with my mother, and Ernie asked his rubber ducky about it, we decided that now isn’t the right time.” Bert declined to elaborate further, though on a side note, he did say he was surprised that Cookie Monster went along with Elmo’s plan.
“At first I not like plan,” said Cookie Monster. “There already two blue monsters on show. Grover no care much but I not sure about making Elmo blue. But then Big Bird say I can go back to eating more cookies instead of less cookies like they make me eat now and I say yes. I know I have cookie problem but me no care. Me need cookies.”
Executives on the show were non-committal about whether Elmo’s change would be permanent deferring to The Count, who was still counting: “forty-seven, forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty, fifty-one, fifty-two…”