Censured, Graham begs Charleston GOP for forgiveness

by William Moultrie

Charleston – On Monday, the Charleston County Republican Party censured Sen. Lindsey Graham for “many of the positions he has taken that do not represent the wishes of the people of Charleston County SC, such as: passing a ‘Cap & Trade’ energy bill, bailing out banks, and granting amnesty for illegal aliens.”

I'll say anything

Shocked at the news, Graham was quick to react and left a long and rambling message on their answering machine.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it. It’ll never happen again. John Kerry and I are just friends. I don’t even like the Democrats, I was just spying on them for us. It’s not what it looked like. If you just give me another chance, I can explain. You know you’re my party and you’ll always be my party. Do you really think I’d pick them over you? It was just in the heat of the moment and it didn’t mean anything. I was thinking of you the whole time. What can I do to make it up to you?”

As of late Tuesday, the Charleston GOP was not returning Graham’s calls and was reportedly crying in their bedroom, cutting his face out of all their pictures.

“I don’t know what I have to do,” Graham said, on the verge of tears himself. “I tried to go see them… I was going to tell them that the whole global warming thing is just a big hoax, that I was just experimenting with a belief in science, but that it was just a phase and now I’m ready to do or believe whatever they want me to. But when I got there, I found all my stuff had been thrown out on the front yard.”

“Sure I was dazzled by the progressives and their tolerance for different ideas, who wouldn’t be? Who hasn’t seen John Kerry speaking on the floor  of the Senate and thought to themselves ‘boy, I’d like to cosponsor a bill with him,’ but I believe that it’s your actions that prove your commitment, and no matter how much I’ve flirted with the left, I always come home to the right. Me and the GOP — we’re soul mates. They complete me.”

The Charleston County GOP was unavailable for comment, but an unnamed source said that “they are angry and hurt and will need some time apart to evaluate the relationship before any reconciliation will be considered.”

They also indicated that they were considering this a “break, not a break-up” and that Graham’s loyalty on the upcoming health care debate could go a long way towards patching things up.

Graham said he would be staying with a friend for a while until he could find a place of his own.

On the Web: Charleston Republicans Censure Graham (FITSnews)

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