Michael Vick hired by Gamecocks

by Ashley Phosphate

Columbia – Contradicting published reports that he’d signed a deal with the Philadelphia Eagles, Gamecocks head ball coach Steve Spurrier announced yesterday that the USC has officially hired former Atlanta Falcon star Michael Vick despite Vick’s 18-month prison stay for dog fighting and gambling.  Vick himself seemed pleased to be back in football. 

“I’ve been waiting to get out and start over again and a place like Carolina is going to be good for me.  They have already shown me tremendous hospitality and the fighting Gamecock motif is just awe inspiring.  I’m ready to start fighting again myself and Carolina is going to be the place to do it,” he said.

Vick has been unable to find a team in the NFL which would hire him, but Spurrier confirmed the rumors that he’d been putting the word out that Vick would have a home in Columbia.

“I never doubted that he’d want to come to the home of the fighting Gamecocks,” Spurrier said.  “Vick’s got talent, he’s got drive, and after staying in prison for 18 months, he’s got some perspectives that I’d like to be shared with my team.”

When pressed, the old ball coach said that many USC players have had troubles off the field that a disgraced player like Vick could counsel them regarding.

“Michael knows jail, he knows controversy, he knows dogs – and he knows football,”  he said.

USC officials were pleased with Spurrier’s decision but campus groups like USCSPCA and Gamecock PETA immediately planned to protest the decision to hire Vick.

“He’s a convicted pit bulldog fight organizer.  He shouldn’t be coaching or advising anyone at the home of the fighting gamecocks,” said Hugh McLean of Gamecock PETA.  “We’re planning to protest at each game until Steve [Spurrier] sends Vick packing.”

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One comment on “Michael Vick hired by Gamecocks
  1. I am sick of the euphemistic way Lurie, Goddell, and Reid treat this situation. STOP IT! Stop saying, “we’re gonna help this guy turn his life around, decipher right from wrong, become an upstanding citizen that you would let dog-sit for you, leap buildings in a single bound.” And just say, “we don’t care what he has done, we need a backup/possible starter at QB, don’t you remember how good this guy was, we have to keep him, total football decision and we really don’t care if he changes or not, as long as yo don’t care, but if you do care then we will pretend to care.” It would be much more refreshing if they spoke from their heart.

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