Biden in SC for alcohol detox, Secret Service agents reveal

by Ashley Phosphate

North Charleston – Vice President Joe Biden’s arrival for a weeklong vacation at Kiawah Island yesterday is actually a cover story for the Vice President’s stay at a North Charleston alcohol and substance abuse treatment center, theDiscust learned.

Secret Service agents on Biden’s detail were overheard in a bar at Charleston International Airport to say that the Vice President’s transportation to Kiawah Island actually contained a Biden look-alike.  The agents, visibly drunk, were then confronted by the reporter who went on to obtain the whole story.  According to the agents, Biden’s taste for alcohol was rekindled at the “Beer Summit” last week.  Although Biden drank a non-alcoholic beer at the time, the agents claim that afterwards Biden went on what they described as a “bender”  throughout D.C. bars.

South Carolina’s legislative delegation in Washington issued a release saying that they hoped Biden would return to active service status as soon as possible.  Privately, at least one member of Congress from South Carolina admitted that he’s known Biden to be a drunk for quite some time.  “Why do you think he talks so much and keeps putting his feet in his mouth all the time?  The guy keeps fifths in every jacket pocket.  I’ve heard that story for some time now, and I guess it proved to be true,” said the legislator on condition of anonymity.

Biden was ejected from at least three establishments in D.C. and Virginia before Secret Service supervisors and Biden’s wife were able to restrain him on that fateful evening.  But, the agents continued, Biden’s alcohol use skyrocketed during the next few days.  At the Vice President’s residence, D.C. police were called because of suspicious activity on the compound.  After an investigation, a naked and drunk Biden was found to be the culprit.

President Obama’s staff, learning of the escapades, then ordered Biden into substance abuse treatment.  That’s when the South Carolina trip disguise was created.  Biden was checked in to Palmetto Behavioral Systems last night, according to the agents.

Spokesman for Palmetto would only confirm that they did have a nationally-known figure in their care and that detox and substance abuse counseling would begin today.

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Posted in Politics
8 comments on “Biden in SC for alcohol detox, Secret Service agents reveal
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  3. Lino Axman says:

    Various vitamins, especially from the B group, are often used during alcohol withdrawal treatment.Sodium oxybate is the sodium salt of gamma-hydroxybutyric acid (GHB). It is used for both acute alcohol withdrawal and medium to long-term detoxification. This drug enhances GABA neurotransmission and reduces glutamate levels. It is used in Italy in small amounts under the trade name Alcover.

  4. Forgiven1971 says:

    This is satire, folks. Look at the bottom of the page.

  5. Forgiven1971 says:

    This is satire, folks. Read the bottom.

  6. Islandwish says:

    Moral support? After he laughed at people being killed? Sorry. He’s an idiot, I wouldn’t throw water on him if he was on fire.

  7. Maureen says:

    And this man is one heartbeat away from the Presidency of the United States? This explains his incredibly stupid remarks.

  8. It is really a painful experience even to the family members of the one involved. I think the most important thing you can give to the person is moral support because at the time of the detoxification, it is the most needed the the alcoholic patient.

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