by William Moultrie

Sheldon – “Birthers” from around the country are gathering for a planned “party” in honor of “President” Barack Obama to be held at Kingdom of Oyotunji African Village.  The “village” is a self-proclaimed “independent” nation that claims it is not part of the United States and thereby not subject to it’s “constitution.”

President Obama will turn 48 on Tuesday.  All known official documents as well as local Hawaiian newspaper reports of the day indicate he was born in Hawaii on August 4, 1961.

“This is the perfect spot to make our point,” said organizer Orly Taitz through an interpreter. “South Carolina is clearly not part of the United States and therefore…” At that point she was cut off by her assistant and after a short discussion she resumed. “This village in South Carolina claims to be a part of Africa when in fact it is part of America, just like our so-called president…”  After another short conference, Taitz continued “I mean he’s not an American so come join us in Africa in South Carolina and that will show him.”

“I’m not going to say that he’s not an American citizen,” said CNN commentator Lou Dobbs, also planning on attending Tuesday’s celebration, “but frankly, until I see a video of his birth with some sort of national landmark visible outside the window, I remain skeptical. All he has to do is release that video. I have the video of my birth right here on my iPod… you want to see? Look, you can just see the corner of the Alamo in the background.”

According to Wikipedia, “Oyotunji African Village is a village located near Sheldon, Beaufort County, South Carolina that was founded by the late Oba Efuntola Oseijeman Adelabu Adefunmi I in 1970, as part of a “New World Yoruba” initiative.”

Village residents were unavailable to comment, but signs outside the village reading “Crazy white people welcome,” and “Sure, if you say so, come in and buy some trinkets” have appeared in the last few days.

“This is gonna be awesome,” said Beaufort resident Skippy “Bubba” Frantly. “Usually we just get to read about these things on the internet, but now we’re gonna be right there in person.  I sure hope I get to meet Sean Hannity, I think he’s the smartest man in the world and more importantly I genuinely believe and have believed for some time now that we can be best friends.”

Hannity was unavailable for comment.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs made a startling announcement about the planned celebration during his Monday morning briefing.

“We’re announcing this morning that we are no longer going to take a passive ‘wait and see’ attitude towards the so-called birthers.  We have decided that Orly Taitz and her brethren, including Mr. Dobbs, are going to have 30 days from today to prove or abandon their claims or we are going to charge them with high treason for attempting to overthrow the government. In the spirit of the movies ‘A Few Good Men’ and ‘Bring it On’ we challenge them to bring it, but warn them that they better be right or they’re going down.”

“In that spirit, we remind these people that the village they are planning their celebration in claims to be outside of U.S. jurisdiction, therefore, a ruling by the administration that confirmed that status would mean that they will have left the country and would be actively enlisting foreign nationals in their attempted coup. I’m not saying we’d do that, but it’s just something to think about.”

In addition to enumerating qualifications to be elected president, the Constitution also defines treason and indicates that it is punishable by execution.