by William Moultrie
Goose Creek – Google’s multi-million dollar data center, opened less than a year ago here in Berkeley County is apparently full and no longer accepting out-of-state information. The facility opened less than a year ago at a cost estimated to be in the vicinity of $600 million.
“Honestly, I didn’t think this was possible,” said Hank Montrose, chief engineer for the center. “Actually, I still don’t think it’s possible, but that big red light that says ‘All Full’ keeps flashing, so I’m not sure what to think.”
“We picked South Carolina for a number of reasons including cheap power, an abundant unregulated water supply, and a relatively unsophisticated populace,” said Google’s chief data location scout Francoise Franky. “You’ll find a lot of states run an information surplus, meaning that they create more information than can be consumed within their borders. Those ‘producer states’ include New York, California, Massachusetts, and others. South Carolina has historically been a ‘recipient state’ in that it actually produces very little original information, relative to the amount it consumes. It seemed like the perfect place to store data.”
“What has happened,” continued Franky, “is that we’ve had an unusual spike in information originating from within South Carolina and being consumed elsewhere. It’s rendered our statistical models completely useless. We are still able to accommodate a modest amount of information generated from within the state, but we’re having to turn away outside information at this time.”
Publicly accessible data-tracking websites indicate that the South Carolina’s emergence from a recipient to a producer state began on or around June 24 of this year. The information flow briefly reversed itself favoring California on June 25, but by June 26, South Carolina was back on track to becoming a major information generator.
“I have no idea why anything would have changed so radically on those dates,” said Montrose, “I don’t really read the papers much… was there a big wedding or something? People seem to like those.”
Google was vague on the specific details, but sources indicate that the center closed its doors to new data from other states sometime late last week.
Ironically, Google has turned to the South Carolina school system for help in resolving this dilemma.
“Our interim solution will be to use trailers for the overflow,” said Montrose. “The locals tell me that’s what the schools have been doing for years. Apparently they build schools and anticipate zero growth, and then roll in the trailers within a year or two. It’s going to look like hell, but damn, we have to do something, and we have to do it quick.”
“Our bosses back in California are telling us that we have to have this place back up and running and able to handle a lot of new information by the time the governor gets back from his vacation,” continued Montrose. “I’m not sure why, though, but I guess you don’t want to look unprofessional when the governor’s around. I hear he’s a bottom-line kind of guy, and we don’t want to be the ones that distract him from the important work he has to do.”