Sanford Sex Scandal Tours to boost state’s economy

by Ashley Phosphate

Columbia – South Carolina’s tourism industry may get a boost from the Sanford scandal, officials said today. “We envision an opportunity to boost tourism because of the governor’s sex scandal,” said George Upshaw, the state’s tourism director.

The plan, outlined in a memo obtained by theDiscust, proposes a package deal offered to all Argentinians. Each tourist from Argentina would get a “What happens in South Carolina, stays in South Carolina” t-shirt along with signed copies of Governor Sanford’s official press photo.

“We feel that the time is right to begin an improved tourism relationship with Argentina,” Upshaw said. “The way has certainly been paved already.”

Tours would begin at Sanford’s family plantation in Beaufort. On this leg of the tour, the guests would dine in open air establishments along the coast to capture the ambience Sanford described in his emails to his lover. The tour would then travel to Columbia and view the Governor’s mansion. At this stop Argentinian tourists can use a wireless internet provider to send erotic emails to state legislators and then be put through a simulator where they’re “caught” by reporters from The State. They can pose for photos from their very own “press conference” on the statehouse steps complete with fake news outlets from around the nation for an additional fee.

Depending on the package they choose, the tour would either end on Sullivan’s Island or at a Broad Street attorney’s office. A life size cut out of Jenny Sanford posing with the tourists completes the tour at either of these two locations.

The governor’s spokesperson had no comment on the tourism agency’s plan, though one unnamed source in Sanford’s administration noted that if this plan succeeds, the governor’s “trade missions” to Argentina might yet be deemed successful.

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