FOUND: Gov. Sanford in undisclosed location outside Conway

by Trey Bledsoe

Near Conway, SC – Following a state-wide manhunt, Governor Mark Sanford has been located in a vacant U-Rent storage cubicle just outside Conway, SC.  Aides reported that Sanford needed to get away from the hustle and tulment of Columbia to find inner peace.

The executive unit features climate control, a metal door, and an incandescent light bulb.

The executive unit features climate control, a metal door, and an incandescent light bulb.

Aides to the governor would not speak for the record, but confirmed that this is not Sanford’s first trip to the storage facility. “He visits just before the state budget is submitted [to the legislature] and just after they override all his vetoes,” said one aide, “Every year.”

Members of the governor’s own family reported that Sanford draws strenghth from doing endless reps on the weight bench that also serves as his bed.  The bench was once the property of Sanford’s grandfather, and is carved from driftwood. “Its entirely natural with no joints,” said first lady Jenny Sanford,”just like Mark.”

Supporters of the Governor endorsed the storage facility as an ideal environment for the governor’s self-discovery.

“By itself, a storage cubicle is a vacant and expensive echo chamber,” said Nikki Haley, (R-Lexington) “Whatever you bring to it, you carry on your own back, plus the backs of whatever friends and family you con into helping you.  When you leave, you leave no trace of your existence.”  Herself a candidate for governor, Haley endorsed Sanford’s quest, but was quick to say she would blaze her own path to enlightenment. “I prefer to sleep in my car between meetings.”

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Posted in Features, Politics
One comment on “FOUND: Gov. Sanford in undisclosed location outside Conway
  1. This was a great post for me personally. Ive been in the self storage business most of my life so a lot of what youve said has rung true to me. Thanks

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