Sanford explains other unauthorized visits to ex-wife’s house

by William Moultrie

Sullivans Island, SC — Following what he described in a full-page newspaper ad as a “rough week,” former South Carolina governor and current Congressional candidate Mark Sanford has decided to come forward to explain all of the alleged trespassing incidents at his ex-wife Jenny’s house.

Gov. Sanford held a press conference to point out exactly which parts of the court order he had violated.

Gov. Sanford held a press conference to point out exactly which parts of the court order he had violated.

In her complaint about the trespass, Jenny Sanford alleges that Mark had visited her house repeatedly without her permission and she only called the authorities after this incident because he refused to stop. Under the terms of their divorce, Mark Sanford is not allowed to be at the beach house without Jenny Sanford’s permission.

Governor Sanford claims each incident was justified and’s explanations for the incidents:

  • August 12, 2012 - needed to retrieve my model airplane remote that Jenny took away last week when I was flying it towards the boys. She said I could have back at the end of the day but she didn’t give it back and it’s mine and I wanted it.
  • October 28, 2012 – wanted to watch the World Series with one or several of my sons. Jenny came home early and I banged my knee in the dark trying to avoid her on the way out
  • October 29, 2012 - got a new flashlight app for my phone – had to go to the beach house to see if it worked.
  • November 6, 2012 - upset about Obama win, needed my nookie (blanket) that always calms me down. Thought I left it at the beach house, but I couldn’t find it.
  • December 25, 2012 – I was hungry and I knew there would be milk and cookies left out by the fireplace for Santa. Screw him, I like cookies too.
  • January 7, 2013 - I was looking for Jenny’s notes on how to run for Congress. It’s trickier than I thought it was and she did all the hard stuff last time.
  • February 3, 2013 - At least one of the boys was home alone watching the Superbowl and there was no other possible place to watch the game.
Tagged with: , , , , ,
Posted in Features, Politics
2 comments on “Sanford explains other unauthorized visits to ex-wife’s house
  1. I have to express my appreciation for your kindness supporting men and women who really want guidance on this field. Your very own dedication to passing the message throughout came to be particularly good and has always helped professionals like me to realize their targets. Your new useful guideline denotes a great deal a person like me and substantially more to my office colleagues. Warm regards; from all of us.

  2. Throwback says:

    Huh? This is just bizarre and does nothing to help Sanford’s chances of winning the seat. I am a die hard republican but would definitely sit this one out.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

The editorial content of this site is satire and parody. Real news is clearly marked. Lighten up.