Town takes up online gaming to make up budget gap

by Howard Beale

Surfside Beach, SC – Budget cuts are hitting cities all over the state and nation, but the town of  Surfside Beach thinks they’ve come up with a new way to make up their shortfalls: internet gambling.

“I know it sounds odd,” said city councilman Micky Rosa, “but with a little bit of luck and patience, we think we’ll be able to dig our way out of this budget hole and maybe even get into the black.”

The town’s strategy is a multi-faceted combination of online poker, sports betting, bingo, and lotteries.

“We figure if you have enough people playing, you start to move the odds into your favor,” said Rosa. “Picture a room full of bingo players, and half of them are on a single team — it’s like that.”

“It’s not like that at all,” said Coastal Carolina University Mathematics professor Cole Williams. “If it were literally a room full of players, then you could put in enough to push the odds in your favor, but on the internet, there’s just no way to tell how many people you’re playing against. But then again, I’m a mathematician and I gamble online all the time, so maybe I’m not the best one to ask.”

Details of exactly how the program is being conducted were unavailable, but sources say that the city council chambers have been wired with several dozen additional internet connections and council meetings have been increased from once a month to three times per week.

According to Rosa, the inspiration came last year when he recieved an email from an English lawyer saying that he had won a lottery.

“That turned out not to be entirely true,” said Rosa, “but it got me thinking about unconventional ways to raise money and I started experimenting with a lot of different websites. I don’t want to brag about how well I’ve done, but let’s just say that new 32-inch LCD TV in my living room didn’t just pay for itself.”

Rosa’s wife was unavailable for comment.

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