by William Moultrie
Washington, DC – As promised, Mitt Romney released his 2011 tax returns today showing he paid an effective rate of about 14% on his earnings. While the release was met with eye-rolling from the left, conservatives are outraged that the candidate appears to have significantly overpaid his taxes.
“Is this what America is coming to?” asked Clyde Barrow, Republican congressman from Oklahoma. “It is every American’s god-willed duty to pay as little taxes as they can get away with. We put the deductions and loopholes there for a reason, and to disregard them is un-American, especially if you’re just doing it to appease the pantywaist liberal Democrats and the butt-kissing, Marxist president-loving media.”
Other Republicans were not nearly as timid in their response.
“I am disgusted with this,” said Bonnie Parker, a self-identified Tea Party supporter. “I would rather see him release a return that showed he paid no taxes at all, or maybe even that he got a refund check from the IRS like the ones that all those shiftless waste-of-space welfare queens pick up every year. These crooks at the IRS are taking our hard-earned tax dollars and just driving through the ghetto giving money away to anyone who asks. Mitt Romney lost my vote today, and he better not show his face in my neighborhood if he knows what’s good for him.”
Romney has come under intense pressure from the media for not releasing more of his tax records. He had previously released his return for 2010 and today’s release of his 2011 return fulfills a commitment he made earlier this year to release two years of returns.
Democrats were unimpressed with today’s release, with many implying that the tax return was probably filled out by his campaign.
“This document is meaningless,” said Frank Hamer, executive director of Democrats Who Want Mitt To Release His Taxes (DWWMTRHT). “He may as well have printed it on a roll of toilet paper — at least then it would be useful.”
The Romney campaign was unavailable for comment.