by William Moultrie
Columbia – FITSNews.com, the loudest voice in South Carolina’s political blogosphere has been oddly silent lately. The official story is that the site was being re-tooled, but theDiscust has learned the site’s founder and editor Will Folks has been in a series of lengthy meetings with Rep. Nikki Haley plotting election strategy.
Folks was the first of three (so far) to allege his own sexual tryst with Haley, the Republican nominee for governor, on his website FITSNews.com. The second allegation of Haley’s marital infidelity, this time with political consultant Larry Marchant, was also broken on FITSnews, before being picked up by the national media. A third allegation that Haley had a tryst with Rep. Thad Viers was leveled on the site less than two weeks ago.
“This is the boldest, and most successful new political strategy I’ve seen in years,” said Furman Political Science professor Ben Tilman. “To so acutely predict the public response to sexual allegations hurled at a female candidate, and use that knowledge to power through the primary and on to the general election is nothing short of brilliant.”
We have exclusively learned that there will be three more “affairs” revealed before the election, with the final one being a blockbuster revelation unveiled during a live LeBron-style broadcast. We’ve also been told that Haley herself has been instrumental in picking the subjects of her supposed affairs as she wants to avoid the “ick” factor.
Preliminary indications are that the next revelation, tentatively scheduled for early September, will involve a currently-serving Republican elected official who has for years been battling rumors that he is in fact a homosexual. Efforts to narrow the substantial list of possible candidates to obtain the exact identity of this person were in vain, leaving us with numerous possibilities. We were able to confirm, however, that Rep. Jake Knotts is not among them.
The second (or fifth depending on how you’re counting) accusation will appear in early October and is currently scheduled to be Governor Mark Sanford, though we’re told that might change depending on his travel plans.
The biggest bombshell will launch just two days before the election, on Halloween. This final allegation apparently involves political consultants Republican Wesley Donahue and Democrat Phil Bailey. It’s unclear if the alleged incident will involve the two and Haley, all together, or if it’s just that the details of the tryst will be revealed on their webcast, Pub Politics. Either way, it’s a show you’re probably not going to want to miss.
We’ve also learned that Folks has struck a marketing deal with the Haley campaign and that all future Haley scandals are contractually obligated to be broken on FITSNews.com.