by William Moultrie
Dear readers, It’s been a fun and exciting week here in South Carolina, but it’s time to reveal the truth: there is no Alvin Greene, we made him up.
I realize this may be hard to accept, but here at theDiscust, we’ve been working on this prank for well over a year and even we still can’t believe it worked so well.
Initially we weren’t sure anybody was even going to challenge Senator Jim DeMint, so we thought it would be fun to completely fabricate a candidate and see how many votes we could pull in for him in the election. Then, earlier this year when Vic Rawl decided to run, we stepped it up a notch and decided we’d make it appear that our candidate pulled off a surprise victory in the primary.
As you may have guessed already, Alvin Greene is not a real person. We developed his back story, planted some key people to back up his personal timeline, and set about to find an actor to play the part. The ‘Alvin Greene’ you’ve seen all over the news this past week is actually noted actor Mykelti Williamson, best known as Bubba from Forest Gump and most recently as Brian Hastings in the just-ended season of 24.
Of course now that we’re revealing the truth, we can also tell you that since he’s not a real candidate, or even a resident of the state, Alvin Greene’s candidacy will be withdrawn and Vic Rawl will be certified as the legitimate nominee.
In hindsight, this prank may have gone too far, and I’d like to offer apologies to the affected parties who were not involved in the gag including Vic Rawl, Carol Fowler and the SC Democratic Party, and of course Kieth Olberman of MSNBC.
I’m sure there are a lot of questions yet to be explained, and we will be forthcoming in a detailed analysis at a later date, but for now there are a few people we should give credit to for helping us pull this off including Attorney General Henry McMaster for helping us fabricate the legal issues for ‘Mr. Greene’, the people of Manning for playing along and enduring the media storm, and most importantly to Mykelti Williamson who was brilliant in his portrayal. Unfortunately, we had promised to pay Mr. Williamson the $10,400 from the filing fee that we expected to be refunded, but it appears that it won’t be. Sorry Mykelti.
And to the people of South Carolina and the rest of the world who were pulled in by this stunt, please accept our apologies, but it should serve as a lesson about paying attention, or voting, or civic responsibility, or something… we’re not sure exactly but we feel certain there’s an educational element here somewhere. We’ll get back to you on that.
In the end, the big question is: How could you possibly believe that something like this could really happen? Seriously, it’s ridiculously implausible.