by William Moultrie
Columbia – Dr. George Rekers returned home to South Carolina this morning amid a flurry of questions surrounding reports that he was traveling Europe with a male prostitute. Rekers, a professor of Neuropsychiatry & Behavioral Science Emeritus at the University of South Carolina School of Medicine, has been an outspoken opponent of homosexuality for years.
Reached by theDiscust at his home in Columbia, Rekers admitted that he was knowingly traveling with a male prostitute, but insisted that it was not what it seemed.
“You have to understand,” Rekers explained, “I’m a doctor. It’s my business to understand this plague of homosexuality in order to know how to properly treat it. I needed to explore the psyche of a real live gay and witness first-hand what the lifestyle is all about so I could finally find the cure.”
The prostitute, who is choosing to be referred to as Lucien, corroborated Rekers’ account of their relationship.
“He told me exactly that,” Lucien said. “He said that he was an important guy and he wanted to cure gays and he wanted to do some research and he wanted to take me to Europe and he had a lot of money. He could have saved some time and just started with the part about the money, but whatever. But anyway, that’s exactly what he did, he did some serious research. Of course he’s kind of old so he can only research like twice a day, so the rest of the time we mostly just ate bon-bons and watched porn.”
According to Rekers, the trip was a success and he doesn’t regret a thing.
“I have found the answer and I am ready to share it with the world. I had to do some vile and disgusting things over and over and over again to find the cure, but my sacrifice will pay dividends to all the good Christian men out there who are cursed with the urge to lay with another man.”
Rekers continued, explaining his three-step program.
“First, you must satisify the curiosity, because that’s where the trouble begins. How far is too far, you’re asking yourself. Is looking at a young man’s posterior a sin or is it just a sin if I touch it? Is touching it a sin, or is that fine as long as I don’t touch it with my penis? Trust me, I have those thoughts all the time and they are perfectly normal. The only way to move on is to get past those questions and just go ahead and have yourself some raunchy gay sex. The dirtier the better. Don’t worry, Jesus will forgive you in step two.”
“Once you’ve completed step one,” Rekers continued, “you now know what not to do, so you are free to move on to step two and repent for your sins and then just not be gay anymore. You might be tempted to stop the program after step two, thinking you’ve licked the problem, but trust me, it’s not that easy. Eventually those thoughts will come creeping back and you’ll wonder if the rules have changed or if gay sex is different now, and the only way to keep on the straight-and-narrow is to repeat the program every couple of years — that’s step three, rinse and repeat.”
Rekers plans to provide counseling and guidance for his program on the USC campus in Columbia. Anyone with questions as to what constitutes gay sex is encouraged to send videos or come by his office for demonstrations during his evening office hours between 5:30 and 10, Monday through Friday.
Asked how the academic community and the school administrators have reacted to his new program, Rekers said they were being very supportive.
“I couldn’t ask for a better school to help me continue my work. They’ve been great. I love this school. Go Cocks!”