by E. Schmoo
Columbia – The Associated Press is reporting that South Carolina is, well, pretty much like every other state in the country. Details are still emerging, but it appears that South Carolina is coping with the lingering effects of the Great Recession in much the same way that people in Idaho, Delaware, and Kansas do.
Reporter Bruce Smith said he was stunned to learn that South Carolinians go to church and spend their days fishing and watching television while holding resolutely to a humble and profound faith that their shattered lives and economy will somehow recover.
“I’ve reported on stories all over this country — gay marriage, dolphin rights, the organic winery crisis — and I’d never even heard of this place. But what these guys are doing … holy fucknuts. Fishing and CHURCH? Are you kidding me?!?”
Not even years of reporting on the horrors of animal testing could prepare Smith for the bombshell that South Carolinians can read. “They even have libraries! Who the fuck knew?”
More on this breaking story as MSM reporters discover the Internet, read a book, or just take a goddamn ride down I-95 once in a while.