by William Moultrie

Charleston – The College of Charleston’s improbable victory over the University of North Carolina was all but sealed earlier in the day when Rep. Henry Brown decided not to seek re-election.  Brown has represented the Charleston area in Congress since 2001, the year of the Cougars’ most recent victory over the Tar Heels before tonight.

“I know it seems odd,” said Charleston coach Bobby Cremins, “but our guys are passionate about politics, history, and basketball, and ever since this game appeared on the schedule, they’ve been pulling for Brown to step down. It seems that the last time we beat UNC was the year that Brown was sworn into office, so the way they figured it, he needed to be on the way out the door for us to win.”

“I don’t have a problem with Brown,” said Derek Franks, a sophomore guard from Walterboro. “In fact, I really enjoy getting the calendar he sends every year along with all the other postcards, letters, surveys, posters, and notes — it really makes me feel involved and special. But this game is important and it was nationally broadcast on ESPN U, whatever that is. So we’ve been trying to nudge him out of office since last summer.”

“We didn’t do much, really,” said Chris Swanson, a senior forward from Marion. “We just started some blogs, wrote a lot of letters to potential challengers urging them to run, and then one night we called him a few times and I pretended to be President Obama and yelled at him for a while. It was all in good fun and it was for a good cause.”

Dr. George Benson, president of the College of Charleston, said he wasn’t aware of the team’s actions, but chalked it up to school spirit.

“I don’t think it’s a big deal,” Benson said. “Most athletes have some sort of superstition — which socks to wear, what to eat before and after a big game — it’s pretty standard stuff. Our kids just need to know who their congressman is going to be, and if it gets them studying harder, all the better. I think we’re going to look into getting them some Political Science credit for this.”

When asked who the team preferred to be their next representative, the answer was unanimous.

“In 1984, the College of Charleston won the NAIA National Championship and Tommy Hartnett was Charleston’s congressman,” said Swanson. “It turns out he’s still alive, so we started circulating some rumors that he was interested in running for the seat, and people are believing it. With a little luck and a lot of campaigning, we’re going all the way — UNC was just the beginning. Vote Hartnett.”