by William Moultrie
Myrtle Beach – With the Tiger Woods drama now nearing it’s third week of coverage, the story has shifted from the car crash, to his wife Elin, to the apparent array of women he was also sleeping with. The new question seems to be not who Tiger has slept with, but who he hasn’t. The answer? The women of South Carolina.
“What’s wrong with us?” asked Candy Quorn, a dancer Derriere’s in Myrtle Beach. “We got the hottest girls north of Daytona here and ain’t none of us had a shot at Tiger.”
“I had a shot,” interrupted Quorn’s dance partner Canady Anne. “I was doing some one-nighters at some clubs down in Orlando and I ended up having some drinks with him. It was going pretty good till he asked me where I was from and I told him South Carolina. Then he got this kind of pissed look on his face and said ‘Really, with a name like Canady Anne?’ and I said yeah, it ain’t my real name. You see, we get a lot of Canadians visiting Myrtle Beach so I try to play that angle up.”
“Anyway, he said he had to go,” Anne continued. “I tried to get him to stay — told him it’d be worth his while — but he was already tuckin’ his shirt back in and paying his tab. He said he would normally be all over me, but he made a commitment to blah, blah, something, something, Confederate flag. Sorry, I’m a little fuzzy on the details, but I remember the flag part. I guess you gotta respect someone who makes a commitment and sticks to it.”
Ironically, Woods is scheduled to be the best man at his friend Bryon Bell’s wedding in South Carolina this weekend. Conflicting stories have Tiger either skipping the ceremony or coming to it in some sort of disguise, but theDiscust has learned from our sources in the exotic dance community that Tiger will indeed be in attendance and that the wedding is going to take place at the Kiawah Island Golf Resort just south of Charleston.
“Everyone’s saying he’s gonna be down at Kiawah,” said Quorn. “Some of the girls are renting a van and we’re gonna see if we can get in, and if not, we’ll all be at the Southern Belle drinking in the back, so if you see Tiger, tell him there’s some hot chicks waiting for him, and we won’t tell nobody nothing.”
Reached for comment, Benjamin Legare, chairman of the South Carolina chapter of the NAACP was willing to give Tiger the benefit of the doubt.
“I think that we should reserve judgment until all the facts are in,” said Legare. “It’s heartening that he’s sort of taken a stand about the Confederate flag, and I admire that, but damn, couldn’t at least one of his girlfriends have been black? Seriously.”