by Ashley Phosphate
North Charleston – The lowcountry was rocked by another Obama scandal this week when officials discovered that secretly earmarked appropriations from the federal stimulus package were being used to train “Obama Youth” in crowd control, crisis management and what is described in documents obtained by theDiscust as “re-education.”
The camp is part of a huge federal initiative aimed at getting young supporters of the President, who gave their email addresses to his campaign last year, to become part of an army of youth in America who will rise up and organize communities around the nation in support of Obama’s proposals.
“We simply couldn’t believe it at first, but the evidence points to the fact that one of Obama’s training camps that we’ve heard rumors about was right under out noses,” said North Charleston Mayor Keith Summey. “Our officers were able to identify approximately 150 leaders-in-training at the facility. They had everything from the secret codes to enact federal martial law [through FEMA], detailed records on gun purchasers — that apparently are available on a federal database — and lists of individuals that were labeled as potential ‘threats,’” Summey said.
The “re-education” plans included a blueprint for recalling the nation’s students’ textbooks under the auspices of “lead-tainted ink” and “Chinese manufacturing problems in the paper.” The new textbooks the White House would release under it’s new powers reveal omissions of the Founding Fathers and other “Americana” in favor a re-treatment of the New Deal that paints a picture of Republican extremists stopping then-President Roosevelt from saving the nation with the same tactics and placards that the recent Tea Party activists have been utilizing.
The White House denied that any such camps exist and also threatened that stimulus funds may be withheld from North Charleston if the accusations persist.
A statement released by the White House reads: “The climate of hate in this country has reached all-time highs and the White House will no longer sit idly by while the good work of President Obama is thwarted and maligned by his detractors.”
I for one am still looking forward to the volunteer services that the republicans told us to fear. I figure it’s better to be unemployed and doing community service work (that looks good on a resume) then to be unemployed and playing starcraft. In Roosevelt’s time they had the Work projects administration that gave unemployed people crappy civil service jobs, they where shitty jobs but at least they where paid dammit. the republicans view any attempt to put america back to work productively to be socialism, or fascism or some strange mix of the two. The way they see it, it’s better the be unemployed and reading alarmist blogs all day than to be unemployed and helping the community.
The Bauer Hour of Decorating Power is about to begin.
Columbia’s interior design crowd has been hissing like tea kettles at the prospect of a Bauer governorship. Now, the lieutenant-guvnah may or may not be gay, but honey he does likes pretty things. Have you seen his darling apartment on Senate Street? Yes, Senate Street no less.
So who was spotted rustling the rhododendron outside the governor’s mansion the other evening? Was some light-in-the-loafers-laddie measuring drapes with an iPod camera? Was he armed with paint charts and old copies of Architectural Digest? Well, let’s just say he was driving the most adorable little Smart Car you ever did see!
And if it is curtains for Mark Sanford, we’re sure Andre’s window treatments of magenta portieres festooned with ball fringe will be capable of completely darkening the parlor at a moments notice. Midnight screenings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show? The latest X-tube feature? Say, does anyone have a donkey?
And the parties! Oh, the parties. Can we talk? How many guests invited to the sure to be fabulous Halloween fancy dress gala will be bearded? Glenn? Lindsay? My, my, where is Truman Capote or Mike Rogers when you need them?
And here’s a costume idea for the L-G: (save your sequins everybody) descend the staircase as Liberace! Now, girls, there’s a candelabra in a closet somewhere; drag it in here.
Boys will be boys, But boys rarely will be governors. Hold on to your pasties girls, this is gonna be fun.