by William Moultrie
Beaufort – Following his outburst during President Obama’s address to Congress on Wednesday, Rep. Joe Wilson’s (R-02) office released a statement announcing that the Congressman would be checking himself into rehab to combat an unspecified “condition.”
TheDiscust has learned that the condition in question is called Non-Involuntary Tourettes Syndrome (NITS). NITS is a growing epidemic in the United States and is characterized by non-subconscious outbursts of slurs and epithets.
During President Obama’s televised address to a joint session of Congress on Wednesday night, Wilson appeared to heckle the president, shouting at one point “you lie” in a voice clearly audible throughout the chamber.
“NITS is a real and growing problem in America,” said Dr. Franz Hawk, speech pathologist at the Medical University of South Carolina. “We’re not sure about the cause, but it seems to be unique to this country and is somehow more common in households with cable television. Treatment for NITS can be a lengthy process since it’s not so much a medical condition as it is a habit.”
The statement from Wilson’s office also stated that while the shouted opinion was “factually correct and try to prove me wrong,” he in no way intended the disrespect of saying it loud enough to be picked up by the television coverage.
“I don’t see what the big deal is,” said former Vice President Dick Cheney. “Hell, I told (Sen. from Vermont) Leahy to ‘f**k off’ right down the hall in the Senate chamber. What the hell. Bunch of p*****s.”
When we attempted to contact Wilson’s office, we got his office voicemail with a recording stating that “NOT HERE! CALL LATER A******S!” Residents of the second district say that the message has been the same for several years.
The White House released a statement late Wednesday saying: “Our thoughts and prayers are with Rep. Wilson and his family in this difficult time.”