by William Moultrie

Charleston – The first shipment of Alvin Greene action figures arrived in port today from Mattel Inc.’s Chinese assembly plant and were immediately transferred to trucks for distribution around the state. TheDiscust has exclusively obtained some of the marketing materials for the doll, which is expected to be a huge hit. Read the full story

by William Moultrie

Columbia — In a cost-cutting measure, some of South Carolina’s most influential lobbyists have combined forces to try to pass legislation that would create the world’s largest facility that would serve as a mall, a landfill, a private school funded by vouchers, and a check-cashing/payday lending service. Read the full story

by William Moultrie

Washington DC – Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), has filed suite against E*Trade Financial Corp for $1 million, alleging that his name and likeness were used in the form of a baby girl in one of the firm’s recent commercials. Read the full story

by Jim B DeMinted

Laurens – South Carolina Representative Mike Pitts has introduced legislation that would mandate that hot dogs replace federal currency as legal tender in the state. Read the full story

by Middleton Jervey Manigault, III

Columbia – The South Carolina Legislature voted today to approve a plan designed to stimulate the state’s ailing economy. In the words of Speaker of the House Bobby Harrell, the proposal aims to “turn the entire coast of our great state green.” Read the full story

by William Moultrie

Charleston – A local publisher got a heaping helping of holiday cheer courtesy of South Dakota-based bank Citibank, a division of New York-based Citigroup (NYSE: C) on Sunday. The credit card giant shared the holiday spirit this year by decreasing his available credit by almost $5,000 to about $25 and letting him know via the cashier at a local Barnes & Noble when his card was declined. Read the full story

by William Moultrie

Dillon – Fresh off of his official entry into the South Carolina gubernatorial election, Lt. Governor André Bauer began his issue roll-out this week with what he is calling his “big idea” to bring our state into the 21st century.

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by Ashley Phosphate

North Charleston – Officials in Washington admitted today that of all the cities vying for the new Boeing plant, North Charleston sucked up the most.

“By a wide margin, their officials brown-nosed so much more than any other community. We were really impressed by that,” said Gordon Billings, CEO of Boeing.

“Obviously we’re pleased with their selection of our fine city, and we’re glad they saw that we were bending over backwards and kissing their asses the way we did,” said North Charleston Mayor Keith Summey. “I mean we did some major prostituting of ourselves over this issue so it’s good to be able to enjoy it all now.”

Officials won’t disclose all the details, but Boeing officials indicated that in addition to tax breaks and other financial incentives, its executives will have private school tuition granted for them to avoid North Charleston’s public schools and at least once a week, the North Charleston City Council will provide a luncheon on the site of the new building.

“We’re not talking about just sandwiches here either. I mean we’re going to get the shrimp and grits, the rib eye, the lobster, the foie gras. I mean to tell you what, those guys bent over backwards for us so we’ll definitely be in South Carolina as soon as we can pack up in Washington,” said Billings.

South Carolina Chamber of Commerce officials were well-pleased with North Charleston’s ability to suck up.

“We think it’s a new benchmark for bending over to get a new factory. In fact, it’s the Chamber’s hope that the rest of South Carolina will follow North Charleston’s lead and begin kissing every major corporation’s ass to lure business into our great state,” said Doc Cordray, the chamber’s interim president.